American Celebrates Independence, Moves Into Parents’ Basement

SUBURBIA—For over 200 years, Americans have celebrated the Fourth of July with barbecues, fireworks, and picnics with friends and family, but this year, Tyrell Jenkins, a 23-year-old from Redwood City, discovered a new way to celebrate his independence. This year, Jenkins celebrated the Fourth of July by moving from the first floor of his parents’ house to the basement.

Jenkins explained, “For years I was suffocating in my room up there—I lived just a few feet away from my parents. It was awful. But then I realized, ‘I live in America!  I shouldn’t have to deal with this! I should be independent!’ That’s when I decided to move to the basement, where I can stay up as late as I want and I don’t even need to look for a job. To top it off, Mom says that since I’m on my own, I only have to eat half of my vegetables at dinner.”

Tyrell’s parents, who, after much deliberation, have decided not to accompany their son on his life-changing trip to the basement, are proud of their son. “I’m glad he’s finally moving on,” said his mother, Mary Jenkins. “We were so worried about him. He didn’t have a job, he wasn’t making any money, he hadn’t even brought a girl home in six months! But now, just look at him, he’s made real progress. In just a few more years, he might even move up to the attic to start a family.”