By Rory Sampson

STANFORD, CA—With new technology comes new consequences, as junior student Allie Speigel found out the hard way. Google’s new StreetView technology, which allows users to see images at street level, caught the junior Speigel violating the Stanford Honor Code. The close up pictures and the zoom feature of Google StreetView revealed that she was clearly using her computer for a take home test. A user quickly reported a concern and she Speigel was caught.

University administrators were quick to applaud Google for its use of technology in preventing cheating. “The Stanford Honor Code proves itself once again,” said Provost John Etchemendy. “It’s just great that we can use technology to peer into the private lives of all of our students and really make sure that they aren’t cheating. Kudos to Google.”

Students were unsure about the event, and many thought this was an invasion of privacy. “Sure she was cheating, but that really isn’t the point,” said politically aware student Jake Enspoch. “The point is that we as a society are losing our privacy to these technological giants. They now can track your every move, every purchase, and every girlfriend through Google StreetView images of windows. I urge students to close their blinds in protest.”

Allie Speigel said this was a rude awakening. “I thought they trusted us with this Honor Code thing, so I could just cheat or whatever. But I guess not… honestly, it’s just so stupid. Especially on this take home test. Like really, who gives take home tests?”

Since Google StreetView caught another guy smoking weed in his room at Berkeley, a girl stealing from a convenience store in Palo Alto, and a group of friends sneaking into the Ricker dining hall, people around the country have started to rethink how they interact with technology. “We’re in the digital era,” said Enspoch. “It’s time to get ready.”

STANFORD (AP) ­ Two weeks ago sophomore Sharon Dasuli entered Dr. Von Nostrand’s office for what she thought was a routine meeting to discuss marine biology. Once inside, professor Von Nostrand locked the door and shut the blinds. What happened next would change Sharon’s life forever.

“I didn’t think it was wrong at first,” Sharon lamented, “But I soon realized that I was mistaken. I trusted Dr. Von Nostrand, and now I have to pay the price.”

Inside that small office, Dr. Von Nostrand gave Sharon Dasuli crabs. “It wasn’t intimate or anything, we just talked, then he did it, and it was over.” When Sharon went to the Stanford Hospital with crabs, she was immediately questioned by doctors. “They asked me where I had gotten the crabs and whether I was a willing party. I told them about professor Von Nostrand, and that I had been willing but that I didn’t think anything was wrong.”

Sharon Dasuli would soon find out that the crabs had been stolen from the aquarium in Monterrey and that it was a felony to be in possession of the crabs. Dr. Von Nostrand had tricked Sharon into taking the crabs for research purposes, thereby displacing blame from himself for having stolen them. Sharon is now out of jail on $25,000 bond.

For his part, Dr. Von Nostrand has been suspended by Stanford University, and is under
investigation by the police. This scandal has rocked the marine biology world in what is being called the worst case of crabs ever.