The Stanford Flipside » 18

Issue 18 Puzzles

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 09:32:51 +0000

Novice Skateboarder Falls Down Awkwardly

Graham Todd — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 06:03:42 +0000

The skateboarding conditions have been reportedly sub-par over the passed week or so due to the occasional rainstorm, which leave the pavement around campus slippery and filled with piled up debris (twigs and pine needles). However, on a quite clear and fair day for skateboarding earlier in the week novice skateboarder, Becky Hill, fell down awkwardly resulting in a very bad raspberry on her knee. She was promptly bandaged up when she returned to her dorm room and is still applying Neosporin regularly in an attempt not to scar. Becky’s fall was reportedly the most awkward fall by a novice skateboard in recent memory. She was riding close to grass outside of the Law Library when the incident occurred. “She was actually going really, really slow,” one eye-witness said of the crash, “She sort of just seemed like she fell off on her own accord. There was some wild arm flapping, but that was about it.”

Obama Expected To Give Sober Speech To Congress

Jeremy Keeshin — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 19:51:18 +0000

Many were speculating whether Obama’s next speech to Congress would be one where he is intoxicated or sober, but majority opinion has seemed to reflect that they believe he will be sober. “I know he is a great speaker, but I don’t think he is at the point yet where he is ready to give the State of the Union while drunk. It’s still early in the presidency.” College students around the nation have been saddened by the fact that it will probably be a sober speech, but they point out, it is a Tuesday.

Obama Is Expected to Give ‘Sober’ but Hopeful Address – NYTimes.com

Supreme Court Hopes to Serve More Poetic Justice

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 04:30:00 +0000

By Gideon Constable

WASHINGTON, D.C—After many groundbreaking, obscurely worded, and contested decisions, the United States Supreme Court under Chief Justice John Roberts has decided unanimously to serve much more poetic justice than it has in the past.

“We just want our decisions to have that sort of feel, that when you read them, you say, ‘Oh yeah, they got what they deserved,’” said Chief Justice Roberts. “We want our decisions to hold the nation in suspense right until the end where there is a perfect twist of irony and then everyone understands the new ruling and interpretation of US law.”

Many have criticized past rulings as being rather harsh or unfitting, and “certainly not poetic,” in the words of a literary/political analyst. Many cite Roe v. Wade as an case where poetic justice could have been used to wrap up the affair with no loose ends.

“The whole abortion to-do was a little messy,” said enthusiastic judicial clerk Joey Ellery. “I just wish we could have resolved it perfectly with poetic justice—like King Solomon when he decides to cut the baby in half. Now that’s what I call justice!”

The Supreme Court is now planning a brilliant decision where, in a bizarre turn of fate, they plan to give a lethal injection to the man who invented the procedure.

GRAPHIC: What Are We Doing On Our Computers During Lecture?

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 04:28:12 +0000

Asshole Student Hates Everyone, Blames It On The Weather

Graham Todd — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 05:26:52 +0000

This past Monday, a rather unfortunate smattering of events occurred circling around one undergraduate student, Morris Jones. Morris who typically awakes to 106.6 The Goat, instead arose to high pitch chirping, and it all went downhill from there.

“I hadn’t left my room since the night before when I had to yell at those jerks upstairs for their music. I mean, lord, it was 9 p.m. and that’s when quiet hours start.”

Morris then detailed a step by step account of everyone he met during his day and why he hated them. “I just can’t take this crap anymore, it’s this damned weather.”

Morris’ Mommy said, “He’s a very nice boy, especially when the sun’s out. He would run around for hours with his imaginary friends, Patrick and Louis, and play all day. He still does it a bit when he’s home over the breaks [giggles]. Oh, he’s just an angel.”

Doctors later told the Flipside that Morris does not have Seasonal Affective Disorder, and that he is just in fact a huge asshole.

Wind, Rain, Sleet, and RA’s Break Up Donner Party

Jeremy Keeshin — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 04:25:09 +0000

Vaden Adopts “Laughter Is The Best Medicine” Policy

Josh Freedman — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 05:24:14 +0000

Students For a Sustainable Stanford Search For a Way To Recycle Wasted Time

Justin Hefter — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 05:22:25 +0000