THE ROW—Last Friday, as housing results were released across campus, students drawing into La Maison Francaise, the French house, received a nasty surprise when they found out that German speaking students would soon be occupying their rooms and lounges.

In an effort to expand its presence on campus, and to ensure housing for all of its members, Gunther Adler, leader of the German house, submitted a list of demands to Stanford’s Housing Administration, including one which would allow members of the German house to occupy the French House for the 2009-2010 Academic Year.

“It’s clear what needs to happen here. Stanford Housing needs to ensure that the strongest, most popular organizations thrive,” explained Adler.

Haus Mitt has recently been through tough financial times, but since then it has aggressively recruited new members with catchy logos, propaganda flyers, and free beer. This new house pride has allowed them to quadruple their budget and triple their population.

Though most cultural groups on campus have spoken out in favor of the French, a few groups have chosen not to involve themselves in the affair. Specifically, the Swiss Cultural Society has refused to take a stance on this issue. However, other row residents have been too busy with pledge to take notice of the German occupation.

By Kenneth Potts

Now I’m a guy who likes to take the issues seriously. Right now, budget cuts are a major issue. It’s affecting everyone–and that includes yours truly.

But if there’s one thing I believe in, it’s fiscal responsibility. My question is: Why were our investigative journalists standing by idly, and why did they not find out how our community centers were spending their dollars?

Only now has it become clear that for years we have been paying little orange, red, and black paper people to do the work that should normally be left for hardworking American citizens. This is what I call un-accept-able.

It’s high time we start reforming our ways. We can’t be paying these little paper people for full time wages, but I’m all in favor of paying them part time. And I’m sure if there is ever another problem, we can build them a paper community center called a teepee.

The public often raises uncomfortable questions about the past of important political figures. Owing to an acute sense of integrity, a number of leaders have no choice but to be candid about the minor transgressions of their youth. In fact, a small number of leaders have even admitted to trying marijuana. But unlike the general population, a remarkable 99% of political leaders who admit to trying marijuana were able to walk away after the first time. And they didn’t inhale.

Of the relatively few leaders who made the dangerous mistake of trying weed, how did so many right their moral compasses so quickly? First, they had to decide not to inhale (which begs the question of what exactly they were doing). Perhaps they lacked the necessary motor skills to properly smoke weed. This could have been a result of general clumsiness or of just being too shit-faced at the time. Alternatively, a heightened sense of moral fortitude could have allowed these individuals to refrain from inhalation without alienating their less noble comrades. After all, given the skill they demonstrate in leading our great nation, it seems like our leaders could have partaken successfully if they really wanted to.

After avoiding the perils of inhalation, these future leaders proved themselves once again. It’s almost as though they realized they had risked too much by trying marijuana once (and not inhaling). It only took one time for them to learn that smoking marijuana isn’t worth it—especially when you don’t inhale. These quick learners were thus able to steer clear of marijuana and embark on the virtuous path to public office. While we may not fully understand these virtuous freaks of nature, all I can say is that we’re fortunate to have such honest and upstanding leaders.