Sarah Palin recently gave a speech at the National Tea Party Convention, and wrote a few notes on her hand to remember the important talking points. Palin has been giving speeches all around the country and has a lot to remember. We here at the Flipside were able to get exclusive photos of Sarah Palin’s hands. What important things does a political figure like her need to remember?

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See our previous slideshow Stern Goes Plateless.

VANCOUVER—In a display of appreciation and support, the Special Olympics committee convened today to announce its ongoing support for the opportunities provided by the Winter Olympics. Tim Shriver, head of the 2010 Special Olympics explained, “We’re really excited for the opportunities provided to ‘normal’ people by the Winter Olympics. Though we take great pride in our event, we don’t think it’s fair to exclude individuals just because they’re not special. People with ‘normal’ capacities may not be as interesting as their special counterparts, but they’re not any less deserving of our attention and support.”

Shriver was not alone in expressing these thoughts. Across the country, individuals have been showing support for the Winter Olympics on a massive scale. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” exclaimed US bobseld Coach Brad Shayer. “Usually, people are drawn to those are who are special or extraordinary, to people who can inspire us with their life stories, but this time it seems like the world is making an effort to show the Winter participants that even though they are…‘normal’…they can still achieve amazing things.”

“I mean, just look at the bobsled race. Those guys have to stay in a sled for the entire race. It’s hard work for them—they have to remember to stay in the sled for the entire race—even if they get itchy or distracted. But they do it—they overcome their difficulties, they compete, and they have a great time. And the best thing—America’s team can stay in the sled longer than any team I’ve ever seen.”

Despite the world’s large show of support, not everyone is on board with the Winter Olympics. Darrel Frederickson, one of the event’s largest critics, explained why he won’t be tuning in to the games. “The Winter Olympics are just so slow. I understand that the competitors have fun, but it’s not right for us to string them along, pretending to be interested.”

FACE AIDS Gets Recognition but KOOL AIDS Steals the Show

In an effort to support Dance Marathon and FACE AIDS, several groups tabled in White Plaza to promote their unique causes.  Among the groups present were KOOL AIDS, HEARING AIDS, and TEACHERS AIDS. The Associated Network of the United Students for AIDS (ANUS AIDS), however, decided not to participate.

“While FACE AIDS has gained popularity due to the graphic and visible nature of its symptoms, HEARING AIDS has been a silent movement on a figurative and literal level,” said Charlotte Stone, the founder of HEARING AIDS, said. “The main idea behind HEARING AIDS is that the general population isn’t listening to what people with AIDS are saying. Things like ‘Help’ and “I have AIDS.’”

Other AIDS movements at White Plaza focused on more specific issues. At the TEACHERS AIDS desk, a sign stated “The public must recognize that high school faculty parties often get out of control and lead to the rapid spread of AIDS. America must gain awareness of this disturbing trend amongst the nation’s leaders and mentors.”

The most popular table, however, was probably the KOOL AIDS booth. Infected frat boys and blond girls attempted to convince fellow students that if you wanted to be popular, you had to have AIDS. “Condoms are for losers,” one Kappa Sig senior was heard shouting, as he pierced rubbers with paper clips and distributed them to wannabe freshmen. He then continued yelling, “Oh yeah.”

STANFORD, CA –– A recent study has shown there is a high correlation between over-drinking and waking up in SAE without your pants. While it may seem that this statement is relevant only to girls, the bizarre twist is that the statistics show that 60 percent of those who have woken up in SAE without pants were male, while only 35 percent were female. The other 5 percent were unsure whether to consider themselves male or female after the previous night’s events.

“I had no plans to go to SAE at all that night,” said a freshman girl who would like to remain anonymous. “But after six shots of Captain all I could think about was SAE SAE SAE!!!” Many of the individuals who participated in the survey expressed the desire never to return to SAE, but mysteriously returned after extended periods of drinking.

One male surveyed said, “It’s not that it’s so much fun or anything like that. It’s just that SAE is the one place I know I can go where I won’t have to make excuses like ‘It’s my cell phone’ or ‘These pants have a really thick zipper.’ The girls are just used to it there.”

Of course, it is important to note that this study simply demonstrates correlation, which does not necessarily imply causation, and no definite conclusions can be made at this time. There is one thing we know for certain, however. Someone in SAE has a really unique and diverse collection of pants.

Senior Jon Harbeck came under fire yesterday failing to maintain an expression of solemn respect throughout the entirety of ‘Auschwitz: Lessons Learned’, a special presentation put on by the Stanford History Department.  Somber event administrators characterized Harbeck’s behavior as ‘flippiant’ and ‘entirely disrespectful’.

University officials investigating the incident revealed that thirty minutes into the incredibly depressing symposium, Harbeck accessed a laptop computer and opened an e-mail from his girlfriend that had the subject heading “HAHA”.  The picture was of a baby raccoon wearing a baseball cap.

“Yeah, I giggled when I saw the raccoon, I’ve gotta admit,” said an abashed Harbeck, now accused of Antisemitism.  “So I do wanna stress that I wasn’t laughing at The Holocaust.  The Holocaust was bad.  Really bad.”

But pictures of raccoons could not explain his behavior during the joyless round-table discussions that followed.  Gloomy witnesses say that Harbeck broke out into spontaneous chuckles during the remainder of the morbid event, trying unsuccessfully to stifle the laughter with his hand. Subsequent interrogation revealed that he had thought of the phrase “LOLocaust” and found it humorous.

“It just seemed like it was out of my control,” Harbeck mused sadly.  “LOLocaust got me thinking about lolcats and it was all downhill from there.  Hover Cat was sure to get a smile even though we were supposed to be discussing mass graves.   And ‘I can has cheezburger’ is comedic gold wherever, whenever.”

Harbeck has been banned from future conferences on global warming, female genital mutilation, and the genocide in Darfur.

Facebook engineers, however, were not worried. Software designer Roddy Jacobs was looking at a stream of disapproving status updates and just laughed it off. “Oh, this happens every time,” he said. “They won’t even remember what the old one looked like by the end of tomorrow.”